New Year’s Resolutions. Yuck. If weight loss tops your list, then you’re in good company. Fleetingly hopeful, mostly depressed, self-critical company.
The dread you feel is your flight-or-fight response getting ready to kick in, and neither a green tea-stimulated purge of your kitchen cabinets nor a week-long “Survivor” program with Boot Camp Bobby will be effective or healthy in the long run.
Carve an inspiring path for yourself instead. Here’s how.
You’ve heard it before: When it comes to accomplishing a big goal, whether it’s making a career shift or releasing excess weight, your odds of success are much greater if someone else has your back. The primary reason most experts give is accountability. Makes sense. But what if there’s something else at play?
After all, no amount of browbeating from your spouse or friend is really going to get you that new job or force you off the couch. Actually, your cheerleading squad wouldn’t even know to get on your tail if you hadn’t in some way communicated what more you were up to in life. I suspect an important shift happens the moment you do two things:
1.) Declare your intention to the world; and
2.) Make a promise to someone.
You see, there’s tremendous power in writing down and verbalizing your commitment; in essence, making it tangible. To “declare” something is to “speak forth” into being. And when you make a “promise,” you “send forth” your word, binding yourself in such a way that someone (even if it’s yourself) can expect fulfillment of your promise in the future.
Pretty compelling stuff. What will you declare today to change for the better? Who will you seek out to promise with your word?
One of the cardinal rules of coaching: For a commitment to be truly powerful, state where it is you want to go (your vision) rather than what you want to eliminate. My declaration for 2010 focuses on the theme of relationships.
In the past couple months, I’ve received valuable feedback (upon my request) from some terrific, honest coaching friends, regarding how I come across to others. I often feel rushed (and, likely as a result) tend to talk fast. I am the first to close out a conversation. I am usually only half-present; i.e. half-listening to my fiance, Bryan, tell me about his day while I half-finish up email. The result: Neither one gets my full attention and both suffer, particularly the one person I say I care most about but who I dishonor with each excuse of busyness. For the sake of my future and my business, this is no longer something I will tolerate.
To make my declaration to have more meaningful relationships actionable, this means I am committed to 3 specific goals:
1) I commit to look people in the eye, to listen more than I talk, to think before I speak and when I do speak to enunciate my words. I will be present to those around me, from service workers to clients to loved ones.
2) I commit to start each day in prayer and meditation, so as to connect more deeply with God.
3) Finally, I commit to end each day by journaling about my experience of the day’s events and my feelings, thus getting in better touch with myself.
How am I doing so far? It is amazing how clear-minded, calm, and connected I feel when I slow down and dedicate even a little bit of time to my chosen goals. And… some days I completely miss the mark. Just like life, commitments take concerted, consistent effort. I’ll keep you posted. After all, you’re in my life now, too.
And now, I hear my 98-year old grandmother (here for the holidays) talking with my mom and sister in the other room. I’d better go listen…
